Saturdays...

Saturdays are difficult days for me. I haven't always known that they were difficult. I haven't always allowed myself to feel the kind of feelings that I have grown to feel in these days. Feelings come and feelings go but I over the past few months I have found that every Saturday now includes an overwhelming sense of loneliness. It took me awhile to figure out what was going on. Even though I was feeling despair and depression as a common course during my leave of absence--Saturdays have been way more intense. Charles Stanley has helped me figure it out--or I should say that he figured it out and I have learned from him. He writes, "Until about three years ago, the loneliest times of my life were Saturday afternoons". Dr. Stanley's childhood was one of loneliness. He was raised by a single mom and though he had many friends to play with--they were usually off with their families on Saturday leaving young Charles feeling abandoned and all alone. I can relate somewhat to Dr. Stanley's experiences. I left home (North Dakota at the time) to attend a boarding school in Tennessee at age thirteen. I spent the next four years with lonely Saturdays. Most of the kids would be gone on the weekends leaving just those of us with families living a great distance from the school on campus. Those were lonely days for me--and they still are. It's amazing to me how dramatically I am now feeling the experiences of loneliness that I'm sure that I pushed down so many years ago. It's not about being busy, or being with people--it's about feeling the loneliness that I did not allow myself to feel way back in high school. Just thought I would share...