A Joyful Sorrow...

Feelings are such messy things...

I spent most of my life not feeling at all. Some terrible things confronted me at an early age that made "feeling" extremely undesireable. Throughout the years, like everyone else I suppose, I have experienced the joys and the sorrows associated with wandering around on this planet. I just have refused to actually feel it...

The height of deadness in my soul came a little over three years ago when my mom suddenly died. I was detached enough from my feelings that I was able to officiate at her memorial service without shedding a tear. Don't think that I didn't love my mom--I adored her! I had just practiced a lifetime of squelching unpleasant feelings. My mom's passing was just one more in a long line of painful feelings that I chose not acknowledge.

I began a new journey a few years back to find and release the person that I never allowed myself to be. Slowly and surely I have come back to life again. Afterall, to live a life without feeling is to live a life that is dying. And oh boy....the feelings have come alive.

I say all of this, I suppose, in order to acknowledge some feelings that I am feeling today. My tendency is to hide and to deny and so I find it healthy to reveal my soul and allow any who would read to serve as a passive therapist of sorts. A very good friend from a former life has come back into my periphery and I now find myself experiencing some pain and sadness that I most likely did not allow myself to feel--at least not in its fullness--when it should have been felt. All is well and I'm not out standing on the edge of the roof. Truth is--it feels good to feel...

By the way, I made the mistake of watching "Hearts in Atlantis" a little earlier. You can always count on the Hallmark Channel if you want to feel something...

Let me wrap up by sharing Jesus. He says...

“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

--Matthew 5:3-10 (NLT).